THROUGH A DIFFERENT LENS by Jonathan Carlander
For many people on the autism spectrum, myself included, we tend to have “special interests”, which are subjects that give profound meaning to our lives within a society that which, at times, doesn’t quite understand how - or if our brains function properly.
However, that is an inaccurate presumption as our brains DO function quite well - even though our “wiring”may deviate from “the norm”. More often than not it is our special interests (often prevailing from childhood) which may become satisfying career when we attain adulthood.
My own life story is an example of how the development of a childhood passion has transcended a “dream” to become a life-long pursuit.As a child I knew that I was “different” from other children and it wasn’t until middle school that I learned specifically that I had Asperger’s Syndrome.
Despite knowing what was“wrong” with me, I continued to fit in with my peers. Movies and television helped me to cope.From the time I was a toddler images on the screen had mesmerized me. Whether it was a videotape or pictures on the big screen, I was hooked. It seemed I naturally gravitated towardsmonster movies, the supernatural, or adventure films, being able to identify with outcasts andmarginalized characters. “The Creature From The Black Lagoon”, “The Dark Crystal”, and“Ghostbusters” had great appeal to me.
​​As I grew older I began a fascination with and a curiosity for how these movies had come to be made. I borrowed filmmaking books and requested them as gifts and soon came to befamiliar with not only actors and directors, but also film editors, composers and even special-effects artists. Cinema became my life, and I decided that I wanted to be a filmmaker. When Iwas eight year-old, I made my first film. I played the role of a television host while my motheroperated the camcorder and my father played a guest on the show. For my next project, I was thehost of a cooking show and demonstrated how to make the perfect Kraft Macaroni and Cheesedish. It was a couple of years later that I tried to make another short film, this time with the local neighborhood kids.
I was older than them, however, and due to my impatience with what I perceived to be a lackadaisical attitude to taking direction, the film was never completed, and I didn’t resume filmmaking until I was fifteen years-old.It was the summer of 2005 when I attended the Entertainment Experience, a two-week film course designed specially for children on the autism spectrum. Engineered by former special-education teacher Joey Travolta (brother to John) and others, classes in acting, screenwriting, and film production were taught by industry professionals.
I had such a wonderful time that I returned the following summer, directing my own short film with guidance and assistance from Raymond Martino, teacher, co-writer, and co-director of that project. It was around this time that Brad Koepenick, a professional actor, arrived there to teach stop-motion animation, and a young filmmaker named Alex Rotaru arrived to shoot a documentary about the program. Each of the students had the opportunity to do a sit-down interview with Alex, and while I initially found the experience to be uncomfortable, Alex soon put me at ease.
We became friends and have remained so ever since. Alex’s film, “Kids With Cameras”, went on to several film festival awards, and I look back on those summer months with deep fondness and pride.
At Adolfo Camarillo High School, I took two years of video production, where I was introduced to the process of film editing and fell absolutely in love with it. I was also one of the editors (different kind) of the school newspaper for two years, but didn’t enjoy it too terribly much. As a senior I got the opportunity to try out for that year’s school play, “Rumors” by NeilSimon. I quit the newspaper to pursue this acting “bug”, and despite being criticized by theteacher who ran the paper, I devoted my time to making “Rumors” as great as it could be. I had an absolute ball performing in front of a live audience, and my drama teacher, Richard Winterstein, told me that I was actor of the year.
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Title drawing "March Of The Treaters"
The photo is called "My Bones"
That production is one of my happiest memories. After graduating from high school I did various film-related activities. I made a wedding video for a friend, studied film and television production for three years at Oxnard CommunityCollege, and won my first film festival award for a piece I made about the boy’s baseball team at Oxnard College.
As I neared the end of my time at Oxnard, I decided to make a feature-lengthdocumentary of my own, about my grandfather, using my Mini-DV camcorder and consumerediting software on my home computer. The impetus was Ken Burns encouraging filmmakers tosend in their own work about World War II veterans, which would then be sent to the Library ofCongress to be stored in their achieves. It was a fantastic life-changing experience that strengthened my bond with my grandfather.
My grandfather, Stephen J. Vernon, was truly an amazing man with an astounding collection of wartime experiences and I knew that I would not be able to do justice in a series ofshort interviews with him. I prepared a long list of questions, and over a series of weeks I also interviewed my mother, my grandmother and other family members, and spent many more weeks editing the film, at times becoming flustered with how uncooperative my editing system could be during this process. When I showed the finished film to my grandfather, “InterviewWith A Hero”, in the home that he had shared with my grandmother since 1959, I could tell that my grandfather was very moved. My grandmother had tears rolling down face, and my mothertold me how proud I made my grandparents that day. To this day I regard this movie as my finest piece of work. After three years at Oxnard, I transferred to Columbia College Hollywood in Tarzana.Finally, a college with an emphasis on film where I could also earn my B.F.A.! My time atColumbia was a mixture of success and emotional turmoil. The classes were all taught byindustry professionals, some of whom were not very accommodating or empathetic to myautism. I decided to major on film editing and spent the next three years of my life having avariety of experiences.
I worked on many student productions, worked as a production assistanton an independent horror feature film called “The Hideout”, and during my final year, I made myown thesis film, “The Pleasing List”, my first attempt to make a very personal movie. My thesis film told the story of an autistic film student who attempts to get out of his comfort zone by going out on a date with a fellow student who is “neuro typical”, a term that describes non-autistic people. Since its release online, the movie was critically acclaimed, received over300,000 views on YouTube, and won several film festival awards. In addition to graduating fromfilm school with my B.F.A., making “The Pleasing List” was a terrific way to begin my life afterschool. I remain eternally grateful to anyone and everyone who helped me make my thesis work.Now, I wish to talk about the emotional, mental, and physical anguish that have accompanied me throughout my entire life.
Yes, I have experienced successes, but it has been a fight to achieve them, and at one point, I nearly lost it to suicide. Autism is an isolating condition, and I would not wish it upon anyone. As a child I was constantly bullied by class mates and even the neighborhood kids. I was friendless for a very long time. Seeing various therapists and taking various medications have definitely helped, and even though my intense, negative emotions are still in me much of the time, I will not give in to them! I also refuse to contemplate suicide, since I know that it would not only harm me, but it would deeply hurt my loved ones, possibly for the rest of their lives.
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Laughter triggers reactions of anger, even if it’s not directed at me. This has been the case all my life. I strongly believe that in addition to autism, I also suffer from Misophonia - a condition in which ordinary sounds like chewing, coughing, and laughing result in crippling responses to those who have this condition. However, I do feel a sense of relief in knowing that Iam not unique to suffering. I have connected with many people over the years, who at times haveasked me for advice and praise my tenacity. No one has to feel alone or ashamed for who they are. If my films, artwork, and life story can bring hope to others who don’t have it, then that’s a wonderful gift that I do not take for granted.If I can achieve success than others can, too: autism or no autism.
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